C.S. Lewis | Clyde Scissors Lewis

From a pseudo-pseudepigraphical source, Mere Inkling has obtained some peculiar maxims from a contemporary of C.S. Lewis of Oxford and Cambridge. These will occasionally appear in Mere Inkling for entertainment purposes only, and must not be construed as actually voiced or written by the genuine Professor C.S. Lewis.

This page includes links to some of these illustrations as they appear on Mere Inkling. But first, we offer a brief biography of the mysterious Clyde Scissors Lewis.


The Other C.S. Lewis: A Brief Biography

C.S. Lewis, Clyde Scissors Lewis (fl. twentieth century), was born to a nonexistent English family at the beginning of the twentieth century. Since his rumored passing on the day of John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s assassination, various scholars have explored the peculiar path of his mysterious life.

The following facts are established and shed light on why it is vital not to confuse this C.S. Lewis with his better known parallel. Also he preferred to go by his initials, emulating the creator of Narnia, in order to avoid confusion in this essay, he will be referred to by his given name, Clyde.

Clyde was born in Oxford, England, but elected to spend the bulk of his adulthood in Northern Ireland. Sadly, his father died when he was young, leaving him with profound paternal issues. Oddly, Dr. Lewis alleged that during his youth his mother was a barrister. This claim may be spurious, since women were not admitted to the bar until the Sex Disqualification Act of 1919 received Royal Assent at the close of that year.

His older sister, Wilhelmina, was a member of a literary group Clyde would one day co-found.

Unlike C.S. Lewis who was born in Northern Ireland and taught at Oxford and Cambridge, Clyde was born in England and taught at Saint Mary’s College in Northern Ireland. (Clyde’s schoolhouse was named in honor of Mary Magdalene, and is not to be confused with Saint Mary’s University College in Belfast, which actually exists.)

During the First World War, C.S. Lewis’ Anglo-Irish heritage exempted him from the draft, but like many of his patriotic peers, he enlisted and served on the frontlines, resisting the Huns.

By contrast, having been born in Britain, Clyde was subject to the draft, despite his proclaimed Angla-Éireannach ethnicity. It is widely suspected that Clyde’s relocation to Northern Ireland, during the Conscription Crisis of 1918, was motivated by his fear of combat and latent Germanic sympathies.

While C.S. Lewis taught primarily in the field of Literature, Clyde preferred what he called “practical, futuristic pursuits which could help humanity secure its ultimate destiny.” He dismissed religious considerations as “mere myth,” and helped lay the foundation for the modernistic academic field he referred to as “Scientism.”

Clyde would eventually found a scientistic literary community about which little is now known. Its membership is known to have included Howard Phillips Lovecraft, Aleister Crowley and Aimee Semple McPherson. Members labeled the cabal by the innocuous name of “the Inner Circle.” It was postulated by T.S. Eliot that irreverent students at the university referred to the Circle’s regular participants at the Crow and Adolescent Pub discussions as “the Nigglings.”

Following his supposed death, Clyde Scissors Lewis was interred in an unknown crypt, supposedly located on Tower Hill, as befitted a descendent of Simon Sudbury, onetime Bishop of London whose preserved head resides today in St. Gregory’s Church, in Suffolk.

A plaque in Clyde’s honor was supposed at one time to have been dedicated at Poet’s Corner of Eastminster Abbey on Tower Hill, but it is no longer extant.

Additional elements may be added to this biography as they come to light.


Links to Profundities from the Pen of (the other) C.S. Lewis

~ Fame ~